Honesty and Love. Can there be a difference, can one trump the other? Let’s take a look at a familiar situation for those of you with children.
Your 4-year-old comes to ask if the artwork they have just produced is beautiful. You immediately notice that the materials your little angel has used to construct their artwork are valuable heirlooms. Where do you go? To your feelings of anger and shock? Or do you go to the feelings of love you have for this creative little being you have birthed into the world?
You could say that it is most honest to tell the child they have damaged valuable and irreplaceable items and you have your feelings, and they should be understood and expressed. But it may be more beneficial to the child if you express your feelings of love for their creativity and innocence first. You would do this because you know the child can not immediately understand your feelings and would feel bad and possibly suffer emotional damage.
Even though you may choose to explain your feelings and valuable lessons later, out of love you honor the reality the child is living in at present. You are capable of subordinating your feelings to the child’s feelings and perspective. You put aside your feelings, your reality, and give the child what the child wants and needs from you. This is an act of love, maybe unconditional love, that many parents have for their children.
Now, why can’t we do that with everyone?